Feeling stressed?
Not surprising at all. Look at your calendar! This is probably one of the most stressful times of the year. Whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza or nothing at all…the end of the year can create a tremendous amount of pressure. Layer on top of that the completion of end of year goals for 2023 and setting new goals for 2024...whew!! That's a lot.
Remember "Goldilocks"? She knew when the porridge, the bed, and the chair were just right. Not too hot, too soft, not too...you get the picture…
Stress can be like that: Too much and your circuits can get overwhelmed; too little and you have no oomph to get things done. What do you need? Just the right amount to give you the energy to show up as your best self, no matter what this busy time of year throws at you.
It's possible.
There's definitely something about a little bit of healthy stress - that boost of adrenalin - that can make you feel motivated and energetic and ready to get things done.
AND... you still need to have some healthy boundaries in place or the stress can take over.
Boundary setting is a skill... and just like any other skill, it takes practice and being willing to flub it up at first.
Setting boundaries can be particularly tough if people pleasing and seeking approval are at the top of your list. Maybe for you it's a sense of obligation? Something you were told you had to do by your culture, or your gender perhaps. If you're one of those people who has a difficult time setting boundaries, go easy on yourself, this isn't something you're doing by choice... more likely by habit. Habits that were set up a very long time ago.
You've been socialized to please others and seek approval, NOT to set healthy boundaries. Those habits were definitely useful to you at some point in your life. That was then. This is now.
What habits do you have that are getting in the way of setting some healthy boundaries?
Over time, these habits may become a detriment to you and your well-being. Is it time to set some boundaries?
Some clues it may be time to set a boundary:
You're more concerned about how someone else is going to feel than your own feelings.
You start to feel resentful and maybe even angry.
You've lost track of your own priorities or you've just let them go.
How do you put in place some healthy boundaries to ensure that your circuits aren't getting overloaded?
Are you ready?
Let's get to it...
Your challenge for the next FEW weeks...
Here are some suggestions for managing your energy and setting some boundaries over the next few weeks
Don't make someone or something else a priority over your own needs and selfcare.
Instead...make a list of things that are non-negotiable for you and then prioritize these first.
A friendly reminder that, NO is a complete sentence.
Time:
Ask yourself : Do I have the time to do this thing?
Time is finite. We only get so much of it. If you're taking on something "extra", maybe ask yourself: What do I need to let go of in order to do this?
Energy:
This can be a tiring time of year. Extra requests are being made of you on top of your already busy schedule. In addition to time, your energy can take a hit. When you get asked to do that thing, ask yourself: Is this what I really want to spend my energy on?
Here's some food for thought if you're new at this boundary setting skill:
When you start to set boundaries expect some pushback.
This won't come from those who support and respect you,..
it's going to come from those who benefited from your lack of boundaries.
Be prepared for a whole different set of feelings.
For example, feelings of guilt and fear are a normal part of the process.
If you're not used to setting boundaries, this often comes up.
When you decide to put a line in the sand remember, it can feel a bit risky if it's something you've never done before. The thing about risk is, avoiding it means no risk andif you don't take a risk, nothing's going to change.
Remember this:
“The only people who’ll be upset by your boundaries, are those who benefited from you having none.” - Unknown
Mic drop.
Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence, including your ability to set boundaries? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!
Warmly,
Ann
Why work with me? As a Confidence Coach, I help you to be intentional in all of your interactions. Especially those where there's no "do-over". Contact me Let's get started!
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https://youtube.com/@anndeluca8060
Tis the season…for stress and boundaries!