Wait for it...
How are you? Yes, this question.
On autopilot probably...fine, good, busy...
No. Really. How are you?
In my role as a coach it's my job to ask this question and really care about the answer, and I do. To hold space as we say in "coach speak." To allow the person in front of us to really answer the question. The most challenging thing is to stifle the human compulsion to jump in and have something smart to say, share my wisdom, my own experience. I'm a trained professional and it's taken a while!
Doing this is a gift that you can offer someone in your personal life...and what I want to point out today are the benefits of this in your work as a leader...yep there.
As a former people leader myself I can't tell you the value of asking "how are you?" and really caring about the answer. If those glass fish bowls could talk (a reference that my former colleagues will understand), they would tell you such heart wrenching, humorous, dramatic, real stories. Real life, because you're working with real people.
Here's what I learned:
The greatest gift you can give another human being is your open ears and closed mouth.
When people feel like they matter, they're gonna deliver more. Go the extra mile. It's a fact. When people feel seen, heard, and understood beyond their job description...they will deliver tenfold what you expect.
You have to mean it when you ask. How are you?
Not one of those passing in the hallway questions where you don't even listen for the answer rather, in your one on one meetings. Face to face. Whether that's literally face to face or on Zoom.
And don't just give them your ears. Turn your body towards them, look at them, put your phone on silent...let them know you're doing it. Give them your undivided attention.
Keep doing this regularly and you might just be surprised at what changes. For them and you.
Are you ready?
Let's get to it...
For this week, make a point of upgrading your relationships. Whether it's at work, home, or at the grocery store:
Ask someone "how are you?"
Be sincere, show that you really mean it.
And when someone tells you how they are, really resist the human urge to one up them, to share your own experience or advice (unless they ask).
Notice what happens.
Even if you're not in a "leadership" role, by listening, you're actually telling someone they matter. And that matters.
Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!
Warmly,
Ann
How do you answer this question…wait for it…