Stop giving advice! Unless...
Has this ever happened to you? You're in the middle of a situation and maybe you want advice and maybe, more times, what you want is an ear...someone to listen, hold space...without vomiting advice all over you. Which, let's face it, is a completely human thing to do! But not always helpful. Take a read and then check out the one simple thing (okay...maybe it's advice) you can do to truly "help" someone...
There are definitely pros and cons here...it's complicated...
There are advantages to getting advice. Perhaps you don't have to solve your problem which can sound really attractive if you're in the middle of something and you're struggling to find a resolution. Boom....someone's fixed it...off you go. It also makes the advice giver feel pretty important too! And if things go south? You've got someone else to blame. Sounds like a pretty good deal doesn't it?
But wait...what are the potential pitfalls here? Well, first and foremost...that solution isn't yours and because the solution isn't yours...there's no ownership. If things go south...you're back to square one. Back with a problem that needs to be solved!
What would happen if you went to someone with a problem and they just listened attentively...and you felt it?
Whether you're a boss, a partner, parent, friend or colleague...listen up!
It's amazing what can happen when you allow someone to speak without interruption. As they unravel the situation out loud you'll notice that many times they discover their own solution.
What's the benefit of that? This may be underestimated.
It's THEIR solution so they own it and are more likely to act on it.
It's theirs...whether it works or not, it's either a lesson or a victory for them. An important step in building confidence and learning to trust oneself.
AND...having said all of this...sometimes people DO want advice!
What are you supposed to do?
Are you ready?
Let's get to it...
Your challenge...
The next time someone comes to you with a problem, whether it's an employee, child, partner, colleague etc. Instead of jumping to advise them (totally human by the way) try this instead:
Stop.
Take a breath and then...
ASK them:
Do you want my advice...or do you want me to listen?
Watch some magic happen. Sometimes all it takes is a silent audience to help someone to come to their own conclusions!
When you give space for someone to talk things out you're helping them more than you think. You're helping them to build their own confidence and trust in themselves, because ultimately...everyone really does have all the skills, strengths and capabilities they need.
Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!
Warmly,
Ann
Here’s some advice…STOP giving advice…